..there are no fantas…in which i appoint myself LC1..

..’My uncle has been buying for cokes, but when i take too much of them my teeth get heavy. Why dont’ do get something else? Atte I would but there are no fantas’..and thats the sound bite of the week. Whoever guesses it shall get…shall..well just guess..

I decided to volunteer my askari services at Uganda House during the independence celebrations. Now this is askari speak, whenever there is a function where there is a huge public gathering you MUST register everyone on the premises for a number of health and safety reasons two being incase of an eventuality the fire and police services know who was on site and can contact relatives and two incase the fire services come and want to perform a head count so they can assess if there is a health hazard. Now I’m there at the front desk opening and asking people to sign in, people were smiling, people were happy even Miss East Africa smiled at me by the way when this fellow just walked into the building like he had three testicles! He walked straight past me and reached for the door thinking I had opened it(it’s one of those airlock doors which don’t open until the one behind it is closed)..anyway this is what transpired

Joshi:Excuse me Sir, could you please sign the register?

Man(takes out pen):but do you need all my details?..

Joshi:Just ur name and email address will do..

Man:..but…but I’m the Vice Chairman of(insert ruling party in Uganda that wont be mentioned on my blog)

Joshi:Are you sure?

Man:Yes..

Joshi:Do you have some identity card to prove this..

Man:..erm..not exactly..but

Joshi:You think this is kyankwanzi…

Man:no..

Joshi:..do you me?

Man:..no..

Joshi:..I’m Donald Semambo, LC1 Gombolola of UK..

ok i made up the rest but I made him sign the blasted register before I could let him through. Imagine if sweet Miss East Africa could sign it, smile at me and even give me 8 minutes of her time to chat with her, then this fellow just walked in thinking this was mama baker’s kafunda on a monday afternoon..can you imagine? Atte Miss East Africa had a big red sash emblazed with the words MISS EAST AFRICA!!

Then on the subject of bouncing people, this other fellow came mbu ‘i’m the secretary general of partywhichwontbementionedonmyblog’..I then looked him and assured him it was purposely for health and safety reasons. He complied otherwise he was going to miss the party. Besides he didnt want to look bad with that date he had with him.

This year’s celebrations where boring, no Diplock Segawa,no zina maganda..yeah last time the dancers came, some couple had a fight, as in one of the dancers..dude pimp slapped his wife…you’d think Ike and Tina were in the building! It led to who brings home the most money and who is in the country without bipapula..drama..i tell you..soooooooo not the drama!!

**************

When you are at work and a really hairy, tall, tattoed biker walks up to the window beet red complainin about some tenant above his flat who has repeatedly thrown rubbish into his. and walks off immediately when he sees the said tenant..you know it going to be trouble…

When you are at work and some one comes and says some has smashed the first floor exit door and she is all anxious, you know it’s going to be trouble…

When you are at work a huge police van comes right outside the building, tires screeching, sirens blazing and it’s after all the above..you know it’s going to be REAL DEEP TROUBLE…Lord keep me safe at my work place…especially from that big, hairy tattoed biker on first floor and that big black guy who always has unkempt hair..Please Lord..Please..

***********

I read in the papers that James is enrolling atLDU for practice course. Is it true? Because if it is, then someone should alert Mr.Adriko(is he still president of ULS) that they are making a big mistake allowing him to enroll on that course. Just imagine if he passed and was let back into office(which is likely) he would rob people clean and then defend himself in court, isn’t that kamanyiro?Anyway I believe his story, ‘Yes I stole money but on behalf of the MP of Ruhama’..sounds kinda like Nsaba’s story..’Yes I took the money but I’m going to pay it back’…

..a luta continua…

ps..I appointed myself LC1 Gombolola Chief..I handed in my resignation to Afande Kale..

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7 Comments

  1. October 18, 2007 at 5:38 am

    Wangaala, ssebo! Mwami w’eggombolola lya Bungeleza!
    ^:)^

  2. kissyfur said,

    October 18, 2007 at 12:15 pm

    Joshi, been awhile dude. How are the Hamptons u sell out! I thought u was blogville for life…..

  3. Anonymous said,

    October 18, 2007 at 1:37 pm

    mr chairman sir, you didn’t say what the police had come to do (workplace saga).

    from this day forward, i am going to be humble when askaris make me register wherever. finally i know why they do it. (would uganda police call my relatives? incase of whatever. really?)

  4. jasmine said,

    October 18, 2007 at 1:39 pm

    sorry. forgot to ‘register’. comment above is mine.

  5. amooti said,

    October 18, 2007 at 4:16 pm

    Just ask Afande Kale where he requestitions those kifaru’s so you can accessorise yourself with one! An askari is not complete without a bow and arrow too.Atleast a butidda will do for that big black dude with unkempt hair…

  6. phoebe said,

    October 19, 2007 at 9:09 am

    Now i know why your were counting
    down to Independence day.
    Did u get Miss E.A’s phone no.?!

  7. soulchild said,

    October 24, 2007 at 1:17 pm

    You know that it’s a dictatorship when people start allocating hemselves LC posts!


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