So we had kwanjula yesterday…

..and I didnt get to wear my Kanzu!! why? First of all, no one told me till friday and secondly in my culture we do not wear kanzu’s! Anyway being a male of the house, my role was second negotiator.Now i had high hopes of getting some brown envelopes but alas we dont do the money thing, we do the cattle thing. I had it all figured out, just convert the cows into pounds right? Little did i know that i had been down graded but upgraded to head of welcoming! Lost envelopes but if they came late, I could still fine them, right? Wrong! The guys were on time, matter of fact super early so you really cannot fine them for that can you? Anyway the ‘gusaba’ as it is called in my language went well and yeah the groom is  a nice chap and a decent fellow, i am sure my aunt will be a happy woman. Which brings me to the next thought, I am never scared, I am scared of nothing but I got the threat of my life time when my mum told nay assured me that I will marry by force..you think I am lying..peep this;

Mum: Joshua if you impregnant any girl you will marry her

Joshi:haha..haha..(laughin hysterically wondering where all this has come from)

Mum: I am serious..(giving me cold daggers)

 Joshi:..by force, by force(said in my nigerian accent)

Mum: at gun point!(with her ‘boy im talking serious now look)

trust me, i felt scared..you guys have never seen my mum angry..you have never seen her when she is serious..she is..is..unbwogable!!

************

I sat on the table with a bottle of wine, her picture right next to the half lit ciggie..crumpled love letters..revolver in my hand, one bullet in the chamber, click,click she loves me, she loves me not, click, click

see y’all on that flip side

..a luta continua..

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13 Comments

  1. tumwijuke said,

    September 17, 2007 at 2:45 pm

    Firstie?

    Me? It augurs well.

    Dude, just pull the trigger. It doesn’t get any easier. Me, I am a coward, so no seeing you on the other side soon. Say hi to Pavarotti when you get there.

  2. September 17, 2007 at 3:17 pm

    That last one cracked me up. 🙂 You’re weird, you.

    And the Mama … ah, Mums. My Mum is probably the worst-tempered chic under the sun. I swear.

  3. lulu said,

    September 17, 2007 at 3:20 pm

    that last part..click click… wow! continue please, it was strong…rich…reverberating….
    as for your mum, she so understands the stress of being pregnant… and without a man around…the responsible one…tight!

  4. September 18, 2007 at 10:52 am

    Ein, du habst nicht eine “kanzu”?? Eh dude, you surely are not gonna ‘roll deep’ in my entourage like this! Zwei, deine Mutter ist absolut semambo-er!!

  5. Tandra said,

    September 18, 2007 at 11:57 am

    gusaba? ought to have been fun…
    Mum being serious? Now that woman, knows the plan!

    crumpled love letters?gwe, u sent them out with a return address?? kyoka!

  6. Be silent said,

    September 18, 2007 at 2:06 pm

    He he he he lets hope she is not too late on that… Baby could be months old

  7. duksey said,

    September 19, 2007 at 8:49 am

    My first visit since you moved, where is the cocktail or whatever you are serving?
    Ha, your mum is the winner,please tell her if she needs company at the shooting, I am willing…
    So man keep your fly up.

  8. mphoebe said,

    September 19, 2007 at 10:42 am

    gusaba huh… and we might just
    speak the same language too.\
    nice to meet you joshi.
    And about your mum; am sure she wasnt kidding.
    ‘great time to have a heart-to-heart mother/son
    talk there.

  9. jasmine said,

    September 19, 2007 at 2:49 pm

    you moved because? hmm? when your Rihanna starts acting up are you going to up and leave her? … be like that.

  10. heaven! said,

    September 20, 2007 at 9:38 am

    i hope there were cows for real, by the way. not money to buy the real cows later…those things don’t work!!

  11. Kissyfur said,

    September 20, 2007 at 10:19 am

    She gat u suicidal, suicidal when she say its over!
    So Semambo the man is hiding out here kumbe.

  12. Cheri said,

    September 23, 2007 at 12:40 pm

    Unbwogable, when did I hear that word last?

  13. Samantha said,

    September 24, 2007 at 10:04 am

    The trick is to make more than one pregnant and then…


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